I specifically remember one night in high school visiting my family in northern Ohio. I was laying across the guest room at my Aunt's house just crying out to the Lord because for weeks I had been attacked with thoughts that I was not truly a child of God. And that scared, I mean really scared me. That is, until the Lord directed me to Psalm 116:
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the Lord
in the land of the living.
So I've grappled with that whole issue. But I still think it's valuable for us to assess our walk from time do time. One thing that I started doing a while back is keeping track of all the songs that are really sticking out to me during my daily times of worship. I think the list is quite telling of my "spiritual state," starting with last summer:
1.) "Desert Song" by Hillsong: I remember really listening to this song for the first time on a plane ride home from Orlando. The Holy Spirit just got all over me and I was crying like a baby, discreetly I thought, until the flight attendant come over to ask if I was okay!
Clincher lyric: "All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing! I have a reason to worship!"
2.) "Encounter" by Andrew Williams (off the Crash This Place EP put out by Morning Star): The end of this song is so prophetic for this season of mine and Dusty's life, because though we've been here for a while, Meade County does not feel like home.
Clincher lyric: "I'm gonna build my life on you oh Lord! You are my shelter, you are my home!"
3.) "Your Love Never Fails" (Jesus Culture): This song is just so encouraging and reminds me that good times are not only coming, they're ripe for the picking!
Clincher lyrics: "You make all things work together for my good!"
4.) "Deliverer" by Vicky Beeching: It's been hard being back in a Baptist church. Harder than I thought it would be. This song reminds me that freedom is accessible no matter where I live or what I'm doing.
Clincher lyrics: "Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom; where the Spirit of the Lord is there hope; where the Spirit of the Lord is there is healing!"
5.) "Late Have I Loved You" by Gungor. I've blogged about this album before and it's just so good, you really should just do yourself a big fat favor and buy it. This is my most recent song I've been keeping on repeat, mainly for the ending which says:
"You called and you shouted,
you broke through my deafness.
You flashed and you shone,
dispelled all my blindness.
You breathed your fragrance on me...
I drew in your breath
and I keep on breathing.
I've tasted and seen,
and now I want more
cause you breathed your fragrance on me."
This has been a really fun little experiment for me, and I think I shall continue!