How Introspective of Me

Today at church B. Dave talked about giving yourself a spiritual self-assessment. I feel like his message was more for those that perhaps have gone to church all their lives but have never really committed to the Lord. And trust me, I've had to work through those issues.

I specifically remember one night in high school visiting my family in northern Ohio. I was laying across the guest room at my Aunt's house just crying out to the Lord because for weeks I had been attacked with thoughts that I was not truly a child of God. And that scared, I mean really scared me. That is, until the Lord directed me to Psalm 116:

Be at rest once more, O my soul,

for the Lord has been good to you.

For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the Lord

in the land of the living.

So I've grappled with that whole issue. But I still think it's valuable for us to assess our walk from time do time. One thing that I started doing a while back is keeping track of all the songs that are really sticking out to me during my daily times of worship. I think the list is quite telling of my "spiritual state," starting with last summer:

1.) "Desert Song" by Hillsong: I remember really listening to this song for the first time on a plane ride home from Orlando. The Holy Spirit just got all over me and I was crying like a baby, discreetly I thought, until the flight attendant come over to ask if I was okay!

Clincher lyric: "All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing! I have a reason to worship!"

2.) "Encounter" by Andrew Williams (off the Crash This Place EP put out by Morning Star): The end of this song is so prophetic for this season of mine and Dusty's life, because though we've been here for a while, Meade County does not feel like home.

Clincher lyric: "I'm gonna build my life on you oh Lord! You are my shelter, you are my home!"

3.) "Your Love Never Fails" (Jesus Culture): This song is just so encouraging and reminds me that good times are not only coming, they're ripe for the picking!

Clincher lyrics: "You make all things work together for my good!"

4.) "Deliverer" by Vicky Beeching: It's been hard being back in a Baptist church. Harder than I thought it would be. This song reminds me that freedom is accessible no matter where I live or what I'm doing.

Clincher lyrics: "Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom; where the Spirit of the Lord is there hope; where the Spirit of the Lord is there is healing!"

5.) "Late Have I Loved You" by Gungor. I've blogged about this album before and it's just so good, you really should just do yourself a big fat favor and buy it. This is my most recent song I've been keeping on repeat, mainly for the ending which says:

"You called and you shouted,

you broke through my deafness.

You flashed and you shone,

dispelled all my blindness.

You breathed your fragrance on me...

I drew in your breath

and I keep on breathing.

I've tasted and seen,

and now I want more

cause you breathed your fragrance on me."

This has been a really fun little experiment for me, and I think I shall continue!