Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Customers of the Week: Final Edition

Dear Old Guy With American Flag Suspenders:

I'm happy that you are happy there is an American flag in the banquet room. I realize from your old man hat that you are a Korean War vet. Also, I've just come to realize that we attend the same church. Thank you for taking me aback with the following comment: "They don't even have the American flag displayed at the front of the church. I've raised more hell about that to the preacher than you'll ever know! I fought for that flag! Hmph!"

I have a song for you, American Flag Guy: A King and A Kingdom by Derek Webb

Dear Guy With Huge Beard:

Security! Complicated order, this guy got to go!

Dear Too Tan Lady:
Your skin looks like coal. Lighten up. Literally.

Dear Anyone Who Likes Country Music:
Go away.

Dear Party Room Guy:
It's not my fault you all can't count and showed up with way more people than you had told us. The buffet looked fine while I was in there, and I don't believe you just "ran out of food." I also don't care if you don't want to pay, Billy Bob. That's no way to treat a woman, let alone multiple women. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Dear Guys on a Double Date... With Other Guys:
I get it, really, I do. To the point where you have no idea. But I promise, you will not get swine flue from touching the menu. You probably will not get it at all to be honest. Also, and this is just a simple rule of etiquette: If you stay 30 minutes past when the restaurant closes, leave the waitress a good tip. $1.50 is an example of a not good tip.


Devon said...

I will miss these. :)

Ed said...

Hey, I like country music.

I'm not scared though. I know you love me.