A Night at the Movies Can Be Eye Opening

Dear Any-girl Teeny Bopper U.S.A:

I saw you at the movies tonight while my husband and I were treating each other to a date. That guy sitting next to you, he's not into you, but he does like the twin friends sitting atop your chest. Pull that neckline up girl, and he'll be gone in a heartbeat.

You do not have to have the coolest phone on the market. In fact, you probably don't even need a phone at all, just a mechanism that text messages since you've forgotten the lost art of dialing a phone number and getting a live human voice on the other end. And trust me, they aren't going to be able to tell you the end of the movie, so put the phone down and just watch it.

Also, and I'd really like you to hear me out on this: leggings are not pants. Wear them to accent whatever you want, but when you flounce into the theater in a shirt that doesn't even cover your bum, leggings, and boots that look like the abominable snow man has devoured half of your leg... at the end of NOVEMBER we know two things about you: 1.) You are cold and 2.) He's still not that into you.

Don't get me wrong, I was there. High school really wasn't that long ago for me but it just seems like things have changed. And it's up to you to make sure that change is for the better. So zip up that sweater, turn your phone on silent, and don't date guys that have dragons on their shirts. You'll be so proud of yourself in five years when you look back on your past. Trust me.

Love,
Your Future Self